


No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

by aumontalc



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 08:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8482990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aumontalc/pseuds/aumontalc
Summary: Jackson and April's relationship after April's confession in 9x24.





	

_Come up to meet you_

_Tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are_

_I had to find you_

_Tell you I need you_

_Tell you I set yo_ u apart

"The Scientist" - Coldplay

"Unless you can give me a reason not to," April murmured. The full effect of her wide doe eyes blasting Jackson like a cannon ball shooting out of a cannon.

Sighing, Jackson leaned his head back against the pillow. His heart ached with love for this woman, but his mind cautioned him to take care and make sure she didn't hurt him again. He'd been down this road before and had escaped from their car wreck of a relationship alive, but badly bruised. Car wreck? Jackson scoffed. That was the same metaphor April had used months before to describe him.

"Jackson?" April asked, her voice a breathless tremble.

Opening his eyes, Jackson realized he'd have to reply in some way. The thing was he didn't know what to say, what to do. Hist gut urged him to grab hold of her and never let her go. Yet his mind, the pragmatic side of him, warned him to proceed carefully. A natural cynic, he could not accept that happiness could be as easy as him saying the words, "Because I don't want you to."

"April," Jackson said, stalling in an attempt to figure out what he wanted to say. He loved her, but would it be enough? Before sleeping with her, April had been his person, the one with whom he confided. Before her, it had been Percy. Damn, he could use him now. Percy'd help sort out this mess with April. Probably give him hell about it, but help him nonetheless. But now it was just him, by himself, trying to decide if he had enough balls to take this big a risk.

"April, I..." Jackson began. The scrape of the curtain startling him, he was surprised to find Stephanie rushing towards him.

"Oh my gosh, are you OK?" Stephanie asked as her hands softly caressed the part of his chest that April had hit just an hour before. Her eyes scanned his bandaged arm. "Are you still in a lot of pain?"

* * *

April quietly slipped out of the room. Jackson's lack of a response pretty much answered her question. He didn't feel the same way she felt about him. She should have expected that. After all she had put him through, it was reasonable that he wouldn't want a repeat of that experience.

Wiping away the tears that had trickled down her cheek, she headed towards the ER confident that a good trauma would heal all that ailed her. She walked by the nurses' station and caught a glimpse of her fiancé, Matt. He motioned her over to him. Oh, crap, she thought, he wants to talk about my freak out over Jackson.

"Hey," Matt said.

"Hey," she replied, settling her gaze on his nose instead of making direct eye contact.

"OK. So you know I love you because I say it like a dozen times a day, but I was standing here thinking, thinking about us, when I realized I don't ever remember you telling me you love me. Do you? Love me, that is?"

April bit the inside of her cheek and stared down at the floor. She was a Christian. She had good values. She was a soldier. She could do this. "No," she said softly. "I thought I would after a while, but I don't. I'm so sorry Matthew. You're the man I want to want. You're the kind of man I dreamed of marrying when I was growing up. You're perfect..."

"But you're in love with that Jackson guy?" At April's affirmative nod, he smiled humorlessly. "I might be a little dense at times, but you made your feelings for him crystal clear today."

More tears spilled past April's lashes as her hands shakily unpinned her engagement ring from her scrub top. Handing it back to Matthew, she said, "I'm sorry. I truly thought we could work, have a happy life together. I hope you find a really great girl some day. You deserve some one who is going to love you just as much as you love her."

Matthew brushed a few tears of his own aside. "Yeah, thanks. See you around."

And with that, he walked off. Leaving April completely alone, again.

* * *

Owen had banned April from the ER arguing that she'd had an emotional day and needed to take some time off. Not wanting to leave and go home to an empty apartment, she made her way to the maternity ward.

"Hi Meredith, how are you feeling?" she asked, setting down the bouquet of flowers she had bought for the new mom on the windowsill.

"Exhausted, but happy," Meredith smiled. "Do you want to hold Bailey?"

April grinned. "Of course."

Gently taking the newborn into her arms, she swayed gently to and fro. Her thumb grazing his soft cheek.

The thought didn't escape her that had things gone differently she could have been holding her own baby right now. Hers and Jackson's. Sometimes she wished she had actually been pregnant. That the pregnancy results had been positive that day instead of negative. Then, she and Jackson would never have broken up or dated other people. They'd be together and happy.

Yet, a niggling doubt worried her mind. Would they really be happy? Jackson had never said anything about loving her. He was a good man and always one to own up to his responsibilities. But he'd grown up without a father. It was understandable that he didn't want any child of his to grow up the way that he had. No, it was for the best that she hadn't been pregnant. She would have forever doubted whether he'd married her for love or just out of duty.

"He's so precious," April said. "Makes me want one of my own."

"You're engaged now so you can get started soon."

April laid Bailey back down in his crib. "Actually, I broke it off with Matthew."

Meredith chuckled. "Really? Already? Can't say that I'm surprised. No matter how hard you try you can't get the man you love out of your head. Doesn't matter if he's your attending and has a skanky first wife or your best friend who's dating a dumb ass intern. You can't deny it. Can't escape it. I wish we could choose who we love, but we can't."

"I tried, but it didn't work out so well for me."

"Have you told Jackson how you feel yet?"

April plopped down into a seat next to Meredith's hospital bed. "I spilled out my guts to him. Told him that I wanted him and that I wouldn't marry Matthew if he could give me a reason."

"What'd he say?"

"Not a thing. Then Stephanie showed up."

A knowing smile crossed Meredith's face. "I wouldn't be so worried about Stephanie. I overheard some of the nurses gossiping about how she was mad at Jackson for forgetting about their date."

"It's probably just because he's been so busy at work."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Alex told me that he interrupted a moment between you and Jackson a couple weeks ago. He said it looked like you were about to kiss."

April's blush almost matched the roots of her hair. A squeak of surprise was emitted from her lips. "I didn't realize Alex was such a gossip."

"It's a hospital. Word gets around quickly," Meredith replied matter-of-factly. "The consensus is that you and Jackson need to get back together already. It's glaringly obvious to everyone that you love him and he loves you."

"Really?"

"Really."

* * *

"Did you know that Jo and Alex got together? I always suspected that he had a thing for her. It just seems so soon after her break up with Peckwell, I mean Jason."

"Yeah, that's interesting," Jackson said as convincingly as he could while he played with the ringlets of her hair. He tried in vain to push back the memories of April's silky soft hair in his hands, against his face, his chest, his thighs.

"It's getting late. You should go on home," he suggested.

"I don't have to. I can stay here with you tonight," she said, cuddling closer. "When I heard about what happened to you, I was so scared. They said that there were a few seconds when they didn't think you had made it out alive. I don't know what I would do without you."

Stephanie propped herself up on her elbow. "I need to tell you something."

"OK..."

"I know when we first hooked up we were just having fun. I'm an intern. I don't really have time for anything serious. But today, I realized something. I want a real relationship with you. I've been thinking of a future with you. Moving in together, getting a dog, meeting each other's families, the works. I am so in love with you. I should have seen it coming. I think about you all the time. I want to be with you all the time. Of course, I love you...You know how I feel. Now I want to know what you're thinking. Where do you see our relationship going?"

"Umm..."

* * *

_Tell me your secrets_

_And ask me your questions_

_Oh, let's go back to the start_

_Running in circles, coming up tails_

_Heads on a science apart_

"Dr. Webber, how are you feeling today?" asked Dr. Kepner as she reviewed his chart on her tablet.

The older doctor, still weak from his accident, hoarsely replied, "Better now that Catherine's here."

"It's good to see you April baby," Jackson's mother smiled. "While you check Richard's vitals I think I'll go find my son. You don't happen to know where he is, do you?"

"Nope. I do not," April said in as normal of a voice as she could manage.

Truth be told, other than quietly stalking and checking up on him during his first couple of days of recovery, she had not laid eyes on him. They had not spoken since after the bus explosion a week ago.

Her life was back to its normal humdrum pace. In between studying for the Boards and working full time, she didn't have much time to wallow in her own pity. She decided she was going to take a break from men. Losing her virginity, facing a pregnancy scare, and getting engaged (if only for a day) were quite enough for one year. Next year, she could try again. She just didn't have the energy to go through all that again.

As she left Dr. Webber's room, she hear Jackson call her name. She increased her speed, hoping to avoid Jackson. Instead it caused Jackson to call out, "April. Hey, April wait up."

Pretending that she hadn't heard him obviously wasn't going to work. April stopped and waited for him to walk up to her.

"Do you have a few minutes?" he asked. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Actually, your mom's looking for you. You should probably go see what she wants..." she said, hoping he would take the hint and take a hike.

"I'll find her as soon as we're done talking."

"I was trying to find a polite reason not to speak to you. I really have no desire to discuss anything with you."

"Too bad," Jackson said as he grabbed April's hand and led her to a supply closet.

Once inside, he rubbed his hand over his head. April recognized this as a sign of his internal struggle. She wanted nothing more than to comfort him and relieve that wrinkle of worry that so often settled between his brows, especially now that he was in charge of running the hospital.

"I feel like we need to finish the conversation we started last week."

Putting her hands up, April replied, "Look, there's no need. I got your message loud and clear."

"I don't think you did. I don't want our friendship to be ruined."

"Well, having sex already kind of did that," April admitted. "So what'd you want to tell me?"

"You and I work best as friends. You and Matt. You have so many things in common. It's like you're perfect for each other. That's not just a coincidence. I think you should stay with him. I'm not going to give you a reason because you belong with him."

A hollow laugh escaped from April. "I guess you haven't heard," she said, waving her left hand in front of him. "Matthew and I are no longer together."

Jackson looked down and swallowed. "I didn't...I didn't know," he said. "When did it happen?"

"Right after I made a fool of myself in your room."

"You didn't make a fool of yourself," Jackson protested.

"Yeah, I did. If I didn't, then why aren't we together? Is that all you wanted to say to me? Because I would like to leave."

"Yeah, that was it. You can go if you want."

April turned, making her way back over to the door. Yet, something inside of her prodded her to turn around. She knew she should drop it, but for some reason she just couldn't let it go. Her hand on the door knob, she stared blankly ahead as she asked, "Why the intern? Why not me?"

"April..." Jackson groaned.

By now April's anger had ignited. She wanted to know, no, she had a right to know why he hadn't chosen her. Spinning around, April walked quickly back over to Jackson. "Tell me. Why didn't you pick me? I think I at least deserve to hear your explanation."

"Let's not rehash this..."

"Rehash what? We've never talked about this before. You told me the pregnancy scare was a sign that we needed to stop sleeping together and that was the only explanation I ever got. So why? Be a man, Jackson. Tell me. Tell me why we can't be together."

"Because it's so hard to be with you! We don't make any sense together. We based our whole relationship about how if something feels right it can't be wrong. Guess what? It can still be wrong. Yes, there were some aspects of our relationship that felt very, very right, but there were even more that didn't. You can't have a relationship based just on feelings. There are other things that go with it that we just didn't have."

"Like what?" April asked defensively.

"Like communication. In particular, you don't know when to drop something. You keep beating at a topic until it's dead and six feet under."

"You're one to talk about communication." April shook both her fists in the air. "Gosh! You were so frustrating. I never knew how you felt. You never fully shared. You only hinted at stuff. Like how you had feelings for me. That was so vague. What does that even mean?"

"It means I love you! Was that not clear?"

April stared in shock as Jackson moved to the other side of the closet, kicking a trash bin on his way over there.

"No, no, it was not."

"April, sometimes you really frustrate the crap out of me. We keep going round in the same damn circles. It's not good for either of us. We're not good for each other. Matt was better for you. Stephanie's better for me."

"You just said.."

"Yeah, I know what I just said and I meant it. But there comes a point when you realize not all relationships are going to work out. Sometimes we have to listen to our minds instead of our hearts."

"Couldn't we at least try?"

"We've already done that. It didn't take. We could make it work for a little while, but our old issues would just start to creep back. What makes us work as friends hinders us as a couple."

"What if we tried harder than last time to make it work?"

"Should we have to? We shouldn't have to work hard at being in love, being happy."

"You're right. We shouldn't. Thanks for answering my question," she choked, barely able to get the words out.

"April," Jackson said as he crossed the distance between them. When he wrapped his arms around her, she knew she should scold him or push him away but April could only manage to rest her head against his chest. "I love you, but we can't..."

"I know. I love you too," April murmured against his chest.

They stood there, not moving, as the minutes passed. Each was loathe to let the other go. Upon hearing the door open, they finally moved apart.

"I'm just going to get another pillow for Dr. Webber...Jackson, April, what are you guys doing here?" Catherine Avery asked the slightly flustered couple.

"Just getting some supplies," April lied as she grabbed a nearby package of gauze and headed out the door.

* * *

"It was nice to meet you dear," Catherine Avery smiled at the young intern.

"It was nice meeting you too Dr. Avery." Then, turning to Jackson, she kissed him and said, "I'll see you later tonight?"

"Actually, I think I'm going to stay late and finish up some paper work, but I'll see you tomorrow."

Catherine pretended to be reading her text messages as her son kept his office door propped open, likely in the hopes that she would soon leave as well. After what she had witnessed earlier today, that wasn't going to happen.

"You might as well close the door. I'd like you to answer a few questions. I don't intend to leave until you do."

Somewhat disgruntled, Jackson closed the door. "What is it? Go ahead and get it off your chest. Let me guess. You're not a big fan of Stephanie?"

"Oh, she's perfectly fine. Her fawning over you makes it clear where your newly acquired big head came from, but I like her."

"I don't have a big head..." Jackson protested.

His mother scoffed, waving her hand. "Oh, please. I'm surprised you can walk through the door with that overinflated ego resting on your shoulders. But honey, that's not what I want to talk to you about. I always thought you and April were just friends, but from what I saw in the supply closet I'm starting to think there's something you haven't told me. Is there something going on between you two?"

In the thirty-one years that Jackson Avery had been alive on this earth, Catherine Avery had gotten to know his mannerisms very well. His refusal to look her in the eye, his slumped shoulders and his sudden interest in the floor told her all she needed to know.

"There was, but not anymore."

"Oh, baby." She rose to go comfort her son. He was a strong man, a confident man, but sometimes he was still her little boy who got hurt and scared. "Tell me what happened."

"We dated for a while. I started to have feelings for her, but she didn't act like she felt the same way so I ended it with her."

"That girl in the supply closet definitely has feelings for you. What's more, I still think you have feelings for her."

"Mom, there's no point in talking about this. What's done is done. I'm with Stephanie now."

"Do you love her?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"What is this the Spanish Inquisition?" Jackson joked, attempting to avoid his mother's question.

Frustrated, Catherine shot her best mom glare in his direction. "Do...you...love...her?" she asked slowly.

"I can try," he answered finally. "I like her and she's easy to be with. There's no complications, no drama with her."

Understanding dawned on his mother. "Being with April isn't easy, is it?"

"No, it isn't."

Sometimes getting her son to open up was like pulling teeth. Well, she'd keep prodding until he told her all she needed to know. She was nothing if not persistent.

"What do you like about April? What made you fall for her?" she asked.

Her son was silent for a spell. She almost thought he wasn't going to answer. When he did, he said, "She's my friend. I can talk to her about anything. I want to tell her everything. She's the first person I want to tell when something happens to me. She's kind, even to those who've proved they don't deserve it. She's hopelessly optimistic and faces every situation head on. She's brave and completely unafraid to stand up for what she believes in. She's funny and a total nerd. She's gorgeous, great in..." his voice trailed off as if he suddenly remembered who his audience was.

Catherine, unfazed by the topic, smiled and completed the sentence, "Bed? That's wonderful sweetheart. Sexual compatibility is a must in relationships. So I take it you were her first?"

Jackson made a face similar to the one he'd made whenever he'd been forced to eat broccoli as a young child. Shaking his head, he replied, "That's not...that's not relevant. We don't need to go there...ever."

"Well, I'm glad she got some. That girl needed to unwind."

"Can we not talk about this subject anymore?"

Realizing how uncomfortable her son was, Catherine dropped that topic, but quickly brought up another. "You've told me what you like about her. What is it about her that drives you crazy?"

His reply came quickly this time. "Her inability to let things go and move on. Or when she blames me for things that aren't my fault. Or when she doesn't think before she speaks," he answered, getting more and more agitated with each reason he gave.

"All women struggle with that."

"Well, she has a Ph.D. in giving a guilt trip."

"Now, let me ask, what do you like about Stephanie?"

"Um...she's smart. She is...she's fun. Lots of fun. I like her hair?"

Catherine pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. Jackson was certainly in no danger of losing his heart to Stephanie.

"So what drives you up the wall about her?"

Jackson stayed silent for a moment. She could tell he was thinking hard about the question. Finally, he replied, "I don't know. She's never really done anything to irritate me. I guess that means we're a good match."

Catherine shook her head. "No, it means you couldn't care less about her."

Her son looked taken aback at what she'd said. Pressing on, she asked, "Why are you with Stephanie when you are clearly still in love with April? That poor intern is completely besotted with you. You shouldn't lead her on like you are. Break up with her and get back with April."

"Mom, it's not that simple..."

"And why not? Why don't you want to be with the woman you love?"

"Because I don't want to get hurt again. I'm tired of things being so complicated and taking so much work. It's so hard just to be with her. With Stephanie, it's never hard. It doesn't take any work at all. I don't have to worry about whether I feel more for her than she does for me."

"Jackson, is that what you really want? A half life with someone you sort of have feelings for?"

She put her arms around him and squeezed him tight. "Baby, I know you're scared. I know you're worried that you'll get hurt. But, you have to stop taking the easy way out of things. Truth is everyone's going to hurt you; you just got to find the ones worth suffering for. Is April worth suffering for?"

"Yeah, yeah she is," Jackson admitted.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

* * *

_Nobody said it was easy_

_It's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be this hard_

_Oh, take me back to the start_

"Come on April! Crush 'em," Jackson shouted. "You just need to knock over eight pins and we'll win."

"Whatever man. Your girl hasn't knocked over more than five pins the whole time we've been bowling," Alex said.

"Like yours is any better," Jackson shot back.

"Yeah, if my old lady makes us lose, she gets to pay the tab."

"Your old lady?" Jo replied, elbowing him in the ribs. "I think you're the oldest one here."

Ignoring the playful bickering amongst the friends. April concentrated on the pins ahead. Swinging her arm back, she let the bowling ball fly down the lane. Hearing the crash, she looked and saw only one pin standing. Jumping up and down, she exclaimed, "I did it, Jackson! I did it! We won!"

"I knew you could do it baby," her boyfriend said before scooping her up in his arms and kissing her.

April was having a blast on their first double date as a couple. During the three weeks that she had officially been dating Jackson, April had never been happier.

* * *

Hearing a ding, April put down the book she was reading and reached for the phone on her night stand. Glancing at it, she read:

I'll be over at your place in about five. We need to talk.

April quickly got out of bed and ran into the bathroom to freshen up. The doorbell rang seconds after she had finished brushing her teeth and washing her face. "Dang it," she cursed softly because she didn't have enough time to fix her hair. Grabbing a scrunchie, she quickly put her hair in a ponytail as she headed towards the door.

"Hey," Jackson murmured when she opened the door.

"Hey," she parroted. "Come in."

As he stepped inside, April became unbearably aware of his physical presence. Although he was shorter than Matthew, he still made her feel petite when she stood next to him especially when she was bare foot.

"You said you wanted to talk so..."

Jackson took a seat on her couch. Rubbing his hands nervously on his knees, he glanced up at her and said, "I changed my mind."

"What?"

"I changed my mind. I want to be with you. I want us to try. Don't look so shocked. You know I love you."

Grabbing her tiny waist, Jackson pulled her next to him on the couch. He pressed his head against her forehead and rubbed her nose softly with his own. "Jackson," she moaned when he pressed his lips against the corner of her mouth.

"I'm sorry I was such a fool for so long. Will you forgive me? I don't want to wait a minute longer to be with you."

April's heart and mind could barely hold in the joy she was feeling. Taking a few, slow and deep breaths, she allowed reason to return. As excited as she was, she must not forget as of this morning he was still with Stephanie. "What about the intern?" she managed to ask.

"I broke things off with her this evening. There are no more obstacles between us. It's just me and you now."

"Me and you." April broke into a grin. "Is this really happening?"

Jackson smiled back at her, chuckling. "Yeah, yeah it is. It's actually all thanks to my mom."

"Wh..what? Your mom knows about us?" asked April nervously.

"She does, but don't worry she likes you."

"All I'm really worried about is if you like me," April confessed.

"I like you. I like you a lot," he murmured before his lips zeroed in on hers.

* * *

"Jackson!" April cried, playfully slapping Jackson's hand away from her shirt. "Be good," she admonished. "I really do want to watch this movie."

Jackson moved back over to his seat and began to munch on the bowl of popcorn in his lap. If he had his way, he wouldn't be watching a boring romantic comedy, yet it was still nice to hang out with April outside the hospital.

When April reached over to grab a handful of popcorn, he held the bowl out of her reach. "Un-unh," he shook his head. "What are you going to give me for some popcorn?"

April rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"

"A kiss," he said, leaning in and tasting her lips before she had a chance to actually respond.

Too short of a time later, she pushed him away and held out her hand. "Where's my popcorn?"

He chuckled somewhat ominously a few minutes later when she reached for the Reese's Pieces, for he was also in charge of those. "Tsk, tsk. You gotta pay the price, " he teased.

She'd gotten smarter because while they kissed she grabbed the bag out of his hand. Breaking the kiss, she said, "I'll hold onto these thank you very much."

Thirty minutes later and already bored with the movie, Jackson pressed his lips against April's neck in the hopes of getting a little frisky in the near deserted movie theater. She let him nibble on her neck for bit before she turned exasperatedly towards him and asked, "What has gotten into you tonight? Remember we're here to see a movie, not to fool around."

Slinking down in his chair, Jackson leaned his head back and closed his eyes. If he wasn't going to get a little action, he might as well get a little shut eye.

* * *

Jackson was teeming with gladness. He knew that his decision to break up with Stephanie and get back with April was the right one. He smiled against April's lips. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she echoed.

As his lips returned to hers once more, Jackson's hand made its way to the top button on her pajama top. He unbuttoned the first and the second buttons, placing a kiss on each new patch of freshly exposed skin.

"Jackson." His fingers stilled above the third button. Crap, he thought. She was probably thinking it was too soon after his break up with Stephanie to have sex. And she would be right. It was kind of skeevy to jump from one girl to another within such a short space of time. He groaned inwardly at the thought of the countless weeks it would be before she would let him make love to her.

Removing his hand from her top, he said, "It's too soon, isn't it?"

April's head nodded slightly. As she rebuttoned her shirt, she bit her lip. Jackson knew that April bit her lip for one of only two reasons, when she was turned on or when she was worried.

"Spill it," he said.

"I think we shouldn't have sex."

"I know. I was a little too pushy. I just miss sleeping with you. A lot."

April grimaced. "I miss it too, but what I meant was that I don't think we should have sex at all while we're dating."

Jackson let out an awkward bark of a laugh. "You're not serious right?" He prayed she wasn't because he really didn't think he possessed that much willpower. "I mean how many times can you revirginize? You've already done that at least a hundred times."

April blushed delightfully to the roots of her hair. "I'm not calling it that this time. Let's call it abstinence. I feel like our relationship will be stronger if we abstain from having sex."

"Is this some kind of punishment for sleeping with Stephanie? You and Matt were engaged so I assume you must have slept with him at some point. I don't know how my sleeping with Stephanie was any different."

"I didn't sleep with Matthew. Even if I had, it would not be relevant to this. I'm not trying to punish you or anything like that. As much as I really, really like sleeping with you, I can't help the guilt I feel afterwards. That was one of our problems. One of my problems," April corrected. "You were right when you said that just because it feels good, doesn't mean it's right. If it truly was right I wouldn't feel guilty afterwards. For me, it's not going to be right until I get married. But I can't do this by myself. I need your help to not let us get that far again. I want us to last this time. Do you think you can help me?"

Jackson closed his eyes. What she said made sense, but that didn't mean he had to like it which he didn't, not at all. The thought of not being able to have sex with her disappointed him greatly.

But he loved her and he would do whatever it took to make it last this time. "I guess," he sighed. Noticing the uncertainty in April's eyes, he clarified, "We won't have sex this time around. Our relationship is more than just sex. We can do this." I can do this, he told himself.

* * *

"Congratulations. on passing your Boards," Jackson said, clinking his wine glass against April's.

April took a sip of her wine, relishing just how utterly perfect her life was at this moment. She was now a Board certified surgeon, she was dating the most amazing man, and she'd never felt more confident and happy. Tonight was not only a celebration of passing her exam, but of finally getting her life together.

Although she was happy to be anywhere with Jackson, it was especially fun to dress up and eat out at a nice restaurant. Jackson looked particularly dashing in his suit and tie. He wore the purple tie that she loved so much.

"So now that you're a Board certified surgeon, what are you going to do? I heard you talking to Case Reserve on the phone the other day. Are you thinking of taking their offer?" asked Jackson as he cut his prime rib.

"Mmm. That looks good. Can I have a bite?" she asked, intentionally avoiding his question.

"Sure," he said, feeding her a bite of his steak. "About Case Reserve..."

Gulping down a larger than normal sip of wine, April finally replied, "It's a really good offer. Even better than last year's."

Jackson swallowed. "You're really considering their offer then?"

"I am," April fibbed. "Do you think I shouldn't?" She and Jackson had dated for two months and the subject of marriage hadn't been brought up yet. April hoped the prospect of her leaving would get him to broach the topic of their future.

"Hmm, that's up to you," replied Jackson, chewing thoughtfully on his steak as he looked at a menu. "What do you want for dessert?"

Sighing inwardly at Jackson's inability to take a hint, she smiled as sincerely as she could under the circumstances and replied, "The tiramisu over there looks delicious."

* * *

April kept a steady arm around Jackson's waist as they walked up the path to his apartment. She let him slump next to the door as she unlocked it.

"Shake your groove thing. Shake your groove thing. Yeah, yeah, show 'em how you do it now." April smiled as Jackson sang the song they'd listened to on the ride over. In all the years that she'd known him, she'd never seen him this drunk. She was the one who was bad at holding her liquor. It was strange to see him so incapacitated.

"Jackson!" she gasped as he began to unbuckle his belt. "What are you doing?"

"I just need to pee. Chill out."

Greatly vexed, she quickly opened the door and pulled him inside. "Go. Go to the bathroom now," she ordered.

Coming out of the bathroom a few minutes later, Jackson said, "I think I might have had too a little too much to drink."

April rolled her eyes at the understatement. "Sweetheart, how about we get you ready for bed? A good night's rest will be the best cure."

Walking into his bedroom, she headed towards his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants for him. She squeaked when she felt a very firm, very male hand squeeze her bottom. Turning around, she found a smiling Jackson looking not the least bit sorry.

"Sit down on the bed," she told him and began to make short work of untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. "Here," she said thrusting his pajamas at him. "Put these on. I'll go make you some hot tea."

"Tea's not what I need right now," said Jackson as he pulled her up against his bare chest. "There's something else I need a lot more."

April moaned as he nuzzled her neck. Drunk Jackson was not quite so funny anymore. He was surprisingly kind of needy.

"You know how long it's been since I've seen you naked?"

She knew exactly how long it had been, right down to the hour, but they were trying to do things differently now. They were going to wait because it was the right thing to do.

Escaping from his embrace, she straightened her dress. "Jackson, I'm going to make you some tea and then I'm going to leave to let you get some sleep."

"Fine," he whined, plopping backwards on the bed. "I never get to have any fun."

April leaned over and kissed his forehead, murmuring, "We'll have fun when we get married."

* * *

"Hey man, do you need a ride home?" Karev asked.

"No. I'm going to stay for a little while longer," Jackson replied. "I'll have Joe call me a cab later, but thanks."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about you and Kepner. I really thought you two would make it this time."

"Me too," answered Jackson, taking another sip of whiskey. "Me too."

* * *

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures_

_Pulling the puzzles apart_

_Questions of science, science and progress_

_Don't speak as loud as my heart_

"Weekend trip? Fancy. Where are you going?" asked Meredith.

"San Francisco," replied April, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Isn't that where you and Jackson first danced the horizontal mambo?" At April's eye roll, Cristina continued, "Going back to the place where it all began. I know what's going to happen. You're coming back with a diamond."

Still chewing, April didn't respond immediately. She was kind of shocked how Cristina was able to read her mind. When Jackson brought up the idea of a weekend trip to San Francisco, her mind immediately went to the possibility of a proposal. She just hoped he wouldn't take her to the men's restroom to pop the question.

"We've never taken a trip anywhere as a couple," replied April. "We've been together for five, almost six months. It will be nice just to get away from all the stress at the hospital."

"Yeah, it sounds like a proposal to me too," interjected Meredith, pointing her banana at April. "I'm surprised Jackson hasn't asked you earlier. You're the kind of girl who needs the wedding, the three kids, the two story house with the white picket fence. You know, the works."

"Yeah, he's totally gonna put on a ring on it this weekend," Cristina added.

April could only smile. Her heart fluttering with certain expectations for this weekend. She couldn't wait to become Mrs. Jackson Avery.

* * *

It was their last evening in San Francisco. April's level of anticipation was amped to the highest. Tonight was the night; she just knew it. She had gone shopping by herself earlier to pick up a few necessary items like the lingerie she was certain she would be needing tonight. Once they were officially engaged, she would not feel as guilty about sleeping with him. She had only needed the reassurance that they were headed for the long-term this time around. Besides she felt sorry for Jackson, the last few months had been hard on him. She giggled to herself at her naughty double entendre. He'd been a good boy so he deserved a treat. The newly purchased undergarments should do the trick.

The waiter brought her dessert, a rich parfait of chocolate mousse and berries. April ate it with care, using her spoon to look for any flashes of gold or sparkles of diamond.

Jackson laughed,"What are you doing? Is there hair in your food?"

April shook her head and put a mental X next to the engagement ring in dessert idea.

Ten minutes later, Jackson cleared his throat and said nervously, "April, I need to ask you something..."

April's heart rate sped up considerably. This is it, she thought. He's going to ask me to be his wife.

"Will you..." he coughed slightly, effectively causing April's heart to skip a beat. "Will you share a room with me tonight? I've ordered some champagne and strawberries. You know, I thought we could..."

Maybe he wants to propose in private, she thought. Now that she thought about it, that made more sense. Jackson wasn't one who liked to be the center of attention. He would ask her when they were completely alone. That sounded more like him.

"Sure," she replied, smiling brightly.

* * *

"Remember this room?" Jackson asked, opening the door to the room they had shared a year and a half ago. As she looked inside, her jaw dropped. There were candles and flowers scattered about the room. The bottle of champagne sat chilling in an ice bucket.

"Oh, Jackson, this is lovely!" April exclaimed.

Jackson grinned. "I'm glad you like it."

"I do. I love it. I love you. This whole weekend has been perfect. You're perfect."

"I love you, too," he whispered, bringing her closer to him and leaning in for a kiss.

Falling back onto the bed, they continued kissing. After a few minutes, April felt a hand creep down to her thigh and begin to push up her dress. Her mind, which had been fully preoccupied with when he was going to propose, was now concerned with a more pressing matter. Comprehension began to slowly sink in. Using all her might, April roughly pushed Jackson off of her, catching him off guard and causing him to fall onto the floor.

"What the hell April? Why'd you do that?"

"I can't believe this. I'm so dumb. I can't believe I fell for this," April mumbled as she scrambled off the bed and began to look for her shoes and her purse.

"Fell for what? What are you talking about?" Jackson asked, standing up, still in shock.

"All of this," April gestured wildly. "Was just to get me into bed, wasn't it?"

Jackson's head fell back and he groaned. "We've been together for six months. Don't you think it's about time we had sex? Your ban on sex is verging on ludicrous."

April did her best to fight her tears. Lifting up her hands in frustration, she cried, "This whole weekend was all so you could have sex. You're so selfish. I can't believe I thought you were going to..." she started, but stopped herself from continuing.

"You thought I was going to what?" Jackson asked.

"Never mind. It's not important," April said dismissively, hoping he would drop the topic.

"No, I want to know. What'd you think was going to happen this weekend?"

"Jackson," April sighed. "Don't worry about it. Look, I'm going to head back to my room. We'll pretend this didn't happen."

As she walked over to the door, Jackson caught her arm before she could leave. "No. Answer my question."

"It's embarrassing. OK? I'd rather not tell you."

"I've obviously done something to piss you off and I'd like to know what it is. When we got back together, we promised to work on our communication."

"Fine," April said. "I thought you were going to propose this weekend. There. You happy?" she said as she turned once more to leave.

Just as she was about to swing the door open, Jackson's hand shot out above her and closed it. Spinning her around, he searched deep into her eyes, looking for answers.

"What made you think I was going to do that?" he inquired.

"I don't know. The fact that we were taking a romantic getaway to the place where we first made love seemed like the perfect opportunity for you to ask."

"I'm sorry you thought that April. I didn't mean to give that impression," Jackson said softly.

"Me too. I'm going back to my room. I just...I just need to be alone right now."

Jackson scratched his head. "About that. Um. This is the only room we have tonight. I had the hotel put all our things in here while we were at dinner."

April sighed heavily. 'Well, that's just great."

"Why don't you have some champagne? I think it will make you feel better," he offered.

"I'd prefer not to drink your booty call juice. You must have spent a lot of money to organize all this. Such a shame you wasted all that money just to trick me into bed."

Trick her into bed? What the hell was she talking about? "I meant for this weekend to be relaxing and fun. I'm sorry that it was such a disappointment for you. And I didn't try to trick you. Remember? You agreed to come up here."

"That's when I thought you were going to propose."

"Why would I propose in a hotel room?"

"I thought you might want to ask in private. How would you propose?"

Jackson shrugged, "I don't know. I haven't thought about it."

April's wince made him realize how insensitive that sounded. "Look, April..." he said as he walked towards her.

"You haven't," she gulped. "You haven't thought about marrying me?"

Not since the pregnancy scare, he hadn't. "You know work is just so crazy. I really have two jobs instead of one. I don't really get a lot of time to myself."

"Don't do that, Jackson. Don't use work as an excuse. I can't...I can't do this right now. Would you go get me some grapefruit juice? I just need to be alone for a little while."

* * *

Walking back to the room with April's juice thirty minutes later, Jackson found a note taped to the door. Quickly opening it, he read that April needed some time away from him and since all the other rooms were booked she had decided to spend the night at the airport.

"Damn it,"Jackson cursed under his breath, quickly swinging open the door and heading over to the closet to start packing. He shouldn't have left her alone, but he hadn't known what to say when she brought up the topic of marriage. Now, he had an evening full of unpleasantness ahead of him.

* * *

Catching sight of Jackson, April was secretly relieved to see him. Her anger and frustration had clouded her judgment. Fact of the matter was spending the night at the airport by herself was kind of creepy. Not that she'd let Jackson know that.

Jackson took a seat next to her, not speaking. For the next hour, neither said a word. Jackson checked his phone for e-mails about the hospital. April read a magazine or at least pretended to do so. Inside, she was seething.

He'd basically told her that he never thought about a future with her. He'd followed her to the airport and yet, he sat silently, not talking, not apologizing. His stubbornness and reluctance to talk made her hopping mad sometimes.

While the thought had never popped up in his pretty little head, she had thought of little else but their future. She couldn't wait to be his wife and mother of his children. She wasn't getting any younger. If they were going to have more than one child, they would need to start in the next year or two. April wanted to start their life together now. Apparently, Jackson wasn't even sure he wanted a future with her.

What was the whole point of them even dating if marriage wasn't a part of the plan? And why was he being so quiet? Wasn't he even going to apologize to her?

Feeling her anger boil to the surface, April spat, "Are you not even going to say you're sorry?"

"Why would I say I'm sorry?" Jackson drolly replied, his eyes glued to his phone. "I didn't do anything wrong."

April speechless, merely huffed and crossed her arms. She had all of these questions, all of these thoughts that she wanted to get off her chest and he was completely ignoring her.

"In fact, if anything, you should apologize. My shoulder's sore from where I hit the floor."

"Good," April muttered. "You deserved it."

"Way to be mature, April."

Frustrated, April knocked the phone that he couldn't keep his eyes off out of his hand. "Jackson, pay attention to me! You hurt my feelings and you don't even seem to care."

"April, I think we need to wait until you've calmed down before we can have any type of rational discussion," Jackson replied as he picked his phone up off the floor.

Taking Jackson's phone, she threw it as far as she could. "How's that for rational?" she asked.

A moment later, a security guard walked towards them with Jackson's phone in hand. "I believe this is yours. Is this woman bothering you?" he asked in a stern tone.

"No, sir. She's my girlfriend. We're only having a bit of a disagreement. I think it's over now," replied Jackson.

"I'm sorry, officer," April replied, ashamed and miserable over the whole situation.

* * *

After the flight, Jackson drove April to her apartment. Putting the car in park, he jumped out to grab her luggage.

As they walked up the stairs, Jackson said, "Why don't you get some rest and then give me a call when you wake up? We can talk then."

Stepping inside her apartment, April looked back at him. "I don't need to rest. I've been thinking about what I want to say for hours."

"Good. We can talk it out tonight," Jackson said as he turned to leave.

"I think we should break up," she said softly.

Jackson closed his eyes willing the last 24 hours to be part of some bad dream. He reopened them when he heard her say, "We tried, but it didn't work. I want marriage and a family and that's not something you want. It's better that we stop wasting each other's time."

"April, I never said that..."

"It doesn't matter. You admitted that you haven't even thought about marrying me. You're not ready to get married. There's little I can do to change your mind."

"We both need some rest. I'm going to go home, shower, and probably take a nap. I'll come over around seven?"

"Don't bother. There's nothing left to say." And with that, she shut the door.

* * *

It had been two weeks and try as he might Jackson couldn't get April to talk to him. He'd tried calling her, texting her, stopping by her house, and even cornering her at work. Much good that had done him, now everyone knew they were no longer together.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about you and Kepner. I really thought you two would make it this time," Alex had said before he and Wilson left the bar.

Now here he was sitting alone at the bar. What he wouldn't give to be over at April's place watching TV with her on the couch. Their break up was even harder the second time around because now he was even more in love with her. He should have lied. He should have told her that he'd thought about proposing to her. It wasn't too far from the truth. She was the only woman he wanted in his future, but did their future have to start right away? This was only April's second serious relationship. She needed to grow up a little. Hell, he still needed to grow up a little. What was so wrong about waiting a year or two before getting engaged? He'd never get to ask, because she'd never freaking talk to him.

Setting down his glass, he pushed it towards the bartender. "Another, please."

"Hey, Doc, I think you've had enough. Need me to call you a cab?"

"Don't worry," a familiar voice said behind him. "I'll take him home."

Turning around, he came face to face with his ex.

"Stephanie..."

* * *

_But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start_

_Running in circles, chasing our tails_

_Coming back as we are_

Jackson looked at Stephanie, slightly confused and wondered if the girl before him was truly his ex. "Stephanie?" he asked.

She nodded, gently touching his shoulder. "Why don't you let me take you home?"

At that moment, Jackson heard someone else clear her throat loudly. "Excuse me Edwards, but I've got this. I'll take Avery home," Callie Torres interrupted brusquely.

"I think we should let Jackson choose," replied Stephanie indignantly.

Grabbing his coat, Jackson stood up a little unsteadily, "Uh, I should go with Torres. I don't want April," he hiccoughed, "mad at me."

Stephanie squinted, looking hurt. "Oh, are you two back together?"

"No, but they will be soon enough," Callie answered for him. "They don't need you as a complication."

With that, Callie walked briskly towards the door, leaving Jackson no choice but to follow her. In his less than sober state, he couldn't quite follow what had just happened. But he knew enough to know he was grateful that Callie had interfered. He loved April. He wanted only April. The time for messing around and pretending he could live without her was over. If he hadn't fooled around with Stephanie the first time, he and April would have gotten back together, without all the pointless drama, without the rebounds, without some dumbass paramedic proposing to his girl. If he could, he would go back in time and do things differently.

"My car's over here."

Buckling into his seat belt moments later, Jackson turned and thanked Callie for the ride.

"No problem. After Mark woke up out of his coma, we had a chat about you. He told me to look after you until he got back on his feet, to make sure you didn't get into trouble. He never did get back on his feet, but he'd still want me to keep an eye on you. I've kind of neglected my duty, but I felt like you needed my help tonight."

"I'm good. I don't need looking after," Jackson protested.

"Yeah, yeah, you do. I speak from experience when I say that you can't get over the one you really love by sleeping with someone else. It was a bad idea to get with Stephanie not only because she's an intern, but because she was never going to mean as much to you as April. Sleeping with her again won't help your case with April. Speaking of Kepner, what exactly happened between you two?"

Jackson told her the story of what happened in San Francisco.

"Hold on a second. Let me make sure I understand this," Callie said. "She thought you were going to propose. You didn't. When she asked you about marriage, you told her you hadn't thought about it because you were so busy with work. You do want to marry her someday right?"

Jackson nodded. "Of course."

"Does she know that? Does she know that it's just the timing and not her?"

Jackson looked out the window, at the houses whizzing by. "I don't know," he murmured.

"Well, you better make sure she knows."

* * *

April hated the fact that she was a crybaby and it didn't take much to set her off. Today, it was Jackson. She had been doing her best to steer clear of him. He'd finally cornered her in the hallway and her only option had been to sneak into the ladies' room. Much to her surprise, he'd actually followed her into the bathroom. Stuck in a stall waiting for him to leave, she had been forced to listen to him.

"April, I'm sorry," he's said. "I didn't mean to hurt you. What I should have said is that I haven't thought about marrying you right now, but I definitely plan to marry you in the future. You're it for me April. I don't want anyone but you."

She hadn't responded and after a few minutes of waiting in silence he'd eventually left. Hearing the door close, she finally emerged from her stall. She could barely hold her composure. Her thoughts were torn between still being hurt about what happened in San Francisco and feeling like a fool for not talking things out with him.

April didn't know what was wrong with her. Jackson had been trying to talk to her for days, but she couldn't get over the fact that he hadn't proposed. She had wanted it so bad. She was tired of waiting to have sex, but she didn't want their relationship to go like it had last time and only be about the physical. Their relationship meant more than that to her. She needed to know that their relationship meant more to Jackson as well.

But instead of talking it out with him, here she was, bawling her eyes out.

The door opened and April quickly averted her eyes and wiped the moisture off her cheeks as Cristina entered the bathroom. The last thing she needed was to have the other woman mock her right now.

"Um. Hey. You don't want to talk do you? Because I just want to pee."

"No...no. I'm fine. I'll be alright in just a...a minute," April sobbed, willing herself to stop.

Cristina shot her a disbelieving look and went into a stall. Turning on the faucet, April splashed her face with cold water. As she dried off her face, she heard the ding of her cell phone. Glancing down, she read:

I love you. I want to be with you, but I know that I'm bothering you so I'll leave you alone.

Squeezing her eyes shut, April tried in vain to hold back a fresh batch of tears. She didn't want him to leave her alone. Why couldn't she just talk to him? Why did she have to be so proud?

"Are you still crying?" Cristina asked. "I don't know what's happened between you and Jackson but you're absolutely no use if you're not together. Pretty boy just mopes all the time and votes against any budget spending. You rearrange everything in the supply closets and cry all the time. At least when the two of you are together, actual work gets done."

"I know. I'm so miserable without him."

"So is he. You're his crack. Right now, he's going through withdrawal and the symptoms aren't pretty. All he wants is another hit."

"No, not anymore. He just texted me to tell me he's not going to bother me anymore."

Cristina sighed. "Seriously? This whole back and forth thing doesn't get old for you? Grow a pair and get him back."

April sputtered, trying and failing to get any words out.

"You love him. He loves you. Don't let something stupid get in the way of being happy...I told myself I wasn't going to get all wishy washy with you so I'm going to leave you and we won't speak of this again, because honestly, I'm a little bored."

Touching the handle of the door, Cristina paused and turned back to face April. "Just don't leave him waiting too long. You're not the only dealer on the street corner."

* * *

April walked up to the door of Jackson's apartment. The strange advice she'd received from Cristina had made her think long and hard, but more importantly it made her want to act.

She loved Jackson, but because she'd wanted her fairy tale life complete with the big wedding and happily ever after she had neglected to acknowledge Jackson's feelings. His life was way more stressful now than it had been a year ago. He always made a point to find time for her even though he had little free time for himself. It was understandable that he hadn't spent much time thinking about their future when he had so little time for their present. She also felt guilty about halting the physical side of their relationship. If that was something he needed, then she would do it, without giving him a guilt trip this time around.

Knocking on the door, April sent up a silent prayer that everything would work itself out. A sigh of relief escaped her lips as Jackson opened the door. "Hey," he said.

"Hey. Have you eaten already? I thought I'd make you dinner."

"Um, no, I haven't. Come on in."

Setting the paper bag on the counter, April turned around, wrapped her arms around Jackson's neck and kissed him. A minute later, she stepped back and said, "I thought I'd make shrimp scampi and a Caesar salad. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, it sounds great," Jackson replied, looking a little confounded.

"Why don't you find some music to play for us while I cook?" she suggested.

After eating dinner and cleaning the kitchen, Jackson and April cuddled on the couch watching the evening news. Taking a deep breath and gathering all her courage, April sat up and slipped her top over her head.

"April..." Jackson gasped.

"Shh," she said, putting her finger against his lips. She then proceeded to unbutton her pants and within seconds she was left in only her bra and panties. Crawling back towards Jackson, her hand made its way to his belt buckle.

"Wait," Jackson protested, stilling the hand that was at his waist. "All night you've been acting weird like we never broke up. Now, you're all over me. What's going on?"

"You don't want to have sex?" she asked, intending to evade his question.

"Of course I do, but not like this. We've been beating around the bush all night. What's up?"

Putting her shirt back on, April sat down on the couch and pulled her knees towards her chest. Unable to keep his penetrating gaze, she closed her eyes and whispered, "I didn't really want to break up with you."

"Good," Jackson smiled. "Because I didn't want to either."

Comforted, April made her way back over to his side of the couch. Her hand, slowly creeping up his thigh and returning to his belt buckle. As her fingers deftly began to work, April began to place light kisses on the side of his face and his neck. Her lips formed a smile at hearing him groan. The power she held over him was gratifying. She loved how much control she exerted over his willpower.

April's lips met Jackson's but she soon became perplexed when she realized that he was not returning her kiss. Pulling away, Jackson lifted his hand and gently swept her hair back. "You can't use sex to keep us from talking about our issues. We need to talk first and then, if you want, we can make love."

Sighing, April went back to the other side of the couch. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well, first, I'd like to explain that just because I'm not thinking about a wedding in the near future that doesn't mean that I don't want to get married to you."

"Fair enough," April replied.

"I can tell that disappoints you. Don't hold it in. Tell me about it."

Not wanting to get in another fight, April was hesitant to respond. "I've loved you for so long Jackson. First, as a friend and then more recently as the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. There's hardly anything we don't know about each other. It's not like we would be rushing into anything because we have years of history between us. I'm upset that we have to wait. As a virgin, I spent a lot of time waiting. You think it would make me more patient, but it doesn't. I want what I want and I want it now."

"I can attest to your impatience. When you want something, you definitely let me know," Jackson chuckled. "Let's revisit the marriage thing again in a couple months. Work should slow down for me by then and we can figure out a date."

Smiling, April whispered, "Really?"

"Really. Now, where were we?" Jackson asked, leaning in close.

Clasping Jackson tightly to her, April responded enthusiastically to his kisses. "I don't want to lose you again," she whispered against his lips.

Gazing into her eyes, Jackson responded, "You're not going to lose me. Whether we have sex or not, I'm here by your side. Always. This is only the beginning for us. So if you're not comfortable with this, we don't have to…"

* * *

_Nobody said it was easy_

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be so hard_

_I'm going back to the start_

"Um...that is an interesting choice, baby," Catherine Avery remarked as Jackson pointed at a ring he liked.

Jackson had been shopping with his mom for the last few hours, hoping to find the perfect ring. In Boston for only a few days, Jackson took care of hospital business quickly so he could spend the rest of the time picking out an engagement ring for April.

"Do you think she will like this one?" he asked.

"I think the ring might be a little too colorful for her. Every gem stone known to man is in that ring."

"OK," Jackson shrugged, his eyes scanning the glass counter for another option.

"What about that one?" he asked a moment later, pointing to a ring with two golden hands holding a diamond heart.

"Well, that is definitely...unique sweetheart, but let's keep our options open."

Not one to be deterred, he kept looking. After another minute, his eyes caught a big sparkly cluster of diamonds that made the diamond ring that the paramedic had bought April look like chump change. "Mom, what about this one over here? Look at all those diamonds. Nice, right?"

Sighing, Catherine replied, "Honey, I'm going to be frank with you. We've been at this for three hours. Enough is enough. The rings you pick are downright hideous. No woman in her right mind would ever want to wear one of them. April's a classy girl with simple taste. Here, look at this ring right here. It's a classic princess cut with a platinum band."

Jackson made a face. "It's kind of boring looking."

"Trust me. She's going to love it."

"If you say so..." Jackson replied, somewhat disbelievingly.

* * *

At dinner that night, Catherine brought up the subject of the proposal. "So how are you going to ask?"

Chewing the rest of his piece of steak, Jackson shook his head. "I really don't know, Mom. That paramedic used a freaking flash mob to propose. I don't know if I can top that."

Catherine leaned over and rubbed his shoulder. "It's alright baby. April's going to just be happy that you're proposing to her, but you should put some thought into it."

He had tried to think of a way to propose to her, but he just wasn't that creative or romantic. He'd racked his brain for ideas and had even googled ways to propose. One of the suggestions had been to go back to where it all began and propose there. He'd already blown that opportunity. There was no way he could get April to return to San Francisco without her being suspicious.

"I know. You could make a scavenger hunt and at the end you propose to her." Catherine suggested.

"Where would I do the scavenger hunt?"

"You could revisit all the places you've had special moments together. Write riddles for where to find each clue."

"The entire scavenger hunt would be at the hospital. We haven't gone on that many dates."

"Baby, you need to take that girl of yours out more. She deserves it. Hmmm, let me think. How about taking her to a ball game and popping the question on the Jumbotron?"

"Mom, you know that I don't do well on camera."

Catherine chuckled. "I forget that my strong, handsome boy is camera shy. Well, you'll come up with the perfect way to propose. When do you think you'll do it?"

"I was thinking Valentine's Day. April likes all that romantic stuff."

"That's only about a month away. You better get to it. Don't worry. She's going to say yes. She's just as crazy about you as you are about her."

Jackson managed a small smile. He prayed that his mother was right. He'd be crushed if April said no.

"I am so excited for you. My little boy is growing up. Getting married. Going to start a family of his own."

"Yeah," Jackson agreed, taking another bite of his food.

"I hate to bring this up, but I feel like I ought to. It hasn't been that long since you and April broke up and got back together. Did you two work things out? You don't want those same problems popping up again in your marriage."

"Yeah, Mom. April and I are fine. No more break ups." He'd done his best to make sure of that, compromising even when he didn't want to. He closed his eyes, remembering the conversation they'd had after they'd gotten back together.

_"If you're not comfortable with this, we don't have to..." Jackson had assured her. Mentally crossing his fingers that she'd be comfortable that she'd be OK. He didn't want to be all whiny and needy, but he really missed the physical side of their relationship._

_April bit her lip, shooting him that uncertain, doe eyed look. Damn, he thought, she isn't OK with it._

_Leaning his head against the couch, he lovingly stroked her back. "It's OK. We don't have to."_

_Sitting up and moving from his embrace, April replied, "Don't lie to me to save my feelings. I know you want sex to be a regular part of our relationship, but if I'm honest with myself I'm not OK with it. I used to laugh when celebrities confessed they were sex addicts. I thought they used that as just an excuse to explain why they cheated, but after sleeping with you I can totally see how that's a thing. Sex is so addictive. It felt so good sleeping with you...Really, really good. I've never experienced anything like it. But that's not who I am. I don't want to be that person who goes against her own morals or who is a lesser version of herself. Even though there are a lot of people who don't like me, I've always been proud of myself, of what I've accomplished, of what I believe in. When I sleep with you, all of that gets jumbled up. I get confused. It feels great when we're together, but afterwards I end up hating myself because I didn't live up to my own standard. So for me to like me, I can't sleep with you until we're married."_

_Jackson swallowed. "You're right. I don't like it. Honestly, I think it's a little silly. This isn't the 1800s. It's OK for people to have sex. To enjoy sex. It doesn't make you a bad person, April. I don't get all this religion stuff all of a sudden. It wasn't too long ago when you told us that the reason you hadn't had sex was because you had just waited too long for the right moment and that you thought guys were annoyed by you."_

_Closing her eyes for a moment, April confessed, "I was a little untruthful about my reasons for staying a virgin. In my freshmen year of college, I told my roommate the real reason that I was waiting. How I was going to save myself for the man I would marry. That I wanted to wait for the man that God had planned for me. You know what she did? She laughed at me and by the end of the night all of the girls on my floor knew my secret. That whole year I was mocked and teased about it. After that, I kept quiet about my beliefs. So when you guys made fun of me for being a virgin a couple of years ago, I conveniently left out the waiting for marriage part. I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire."_

_"What about that thing with Alex?"_

_April half cried, half laughed as she said, "Oh gosh, don't remind me of that. That was a low point for me. I was feeling lonely and I had a crush on him. The second I took my shirt off I started having doubts."_

_"Wait, what? Karev's seen you without your shirt on?" Jackson asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice._

_"Relax. I was wearing a bra."_

_"Doesn't mean I have to like it," Jackson muttered under his breath. More loudly, he said, "I get it now, where you're coming from, and if you want to wait. We'll wait."_

_Wrapping her arms around his waist, she snuggled close to his chest. "Thanks for understanding. I love you."_

"Good. I'm glad you got things figured out. Relationships aren't easy. I know April's different than you in many ways, but I think that's a good thing. She's making you a better man."

* * *

Dropping his luggage in the entryway, Jackson grinned when he caught sight of April. Setting down her mixing bowl, she ran towards him. He lifted her off the ground and kissed her. Her teeth gently sunk into his bottom lip. After a couple minutes of enthusiastically welcoming him home, April took a step back.

"I'm so glad you're back. I'm making your favorites for dinner."

"You didn't have to do that," Jackson protested.

"I know, but I wanted to," April called from the kitchen.

Jackson followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as he watched her cook.

"How was your trip? I hope your mom didn't drive you too crazy."

"I want to marry you," he blurted, shocking himself.

This wasn't how he planned on asking her. Well, truth be told, he hadn't really planned anything, but this wasn't how he'd do it. But for some reason, he couldn't wait any longer. He had to ask her now.

The spatula that April had been holding fell to the floor. She slowly turned from the stove and stared open mouthed at him.

"Hold on," he said. "I'll be right back."

Running to the living room, he quickly rummaged through his luggage, searching for the jewelry box. Finding it, he rushed back to the kitchen, opened the box, and slowly made his way down on one knee.

"I used to think that no one could have just one soul mate or at least that's what I told girls to get them to sleep with me. But after knowing you, after falling in love with you, I realize what a bunch of crap I was spouting. You're the only one I've ever loved this much. You're the only one I can't live without. So April Kepner, will you make sure I don't have to live without you? Will you marry me?"

April had only one word for him. Yes.


End file.
